The following excerpts are texts from a late night conversation between two historically sad people.
it’s normal. it will go away. it won’t be like a light switching off, but it will get dimmer.
you just have to keep going. you can’t stop progressing just because something didn’t work out. also, i think we have a very romanticized view of tortured love stories.
sometimes i feel like something is missing with j because its not tortured
which is fucked up
and i’m like, but wait, no one would film this story.
seriously though. you’ll never feel as alive as you do when you’re heartbroken.
it’s an addictive sadness
and an addictive nostalgia
and we love being sad!!!
she can just bring me to tears so easily, thinking about her, talking to her
and with j i’m missing that strength of feeling
the past is always viewed through rose tinted lenses
i still sit in the shower when i’m alone and think of s and that crazy and passionate and sad and longing love we had and i cry
because it’s beautiful
and it will always be beautiful
but it’s not enough
it will be my second greatest love story
and some day i will ask him to be in my wedding, because i need him, and I love him. and i need him. and i feel these things for a reason. but it doesn’t make sense. it will never make sense. that’s what keeps me going. because i love j, and he loves me, and it makes so much sense. it’s easy, it fits.
i think eventually you’ll just come to appreciate it for what it was. hard and beautiful and like… really, really raw love.
but we’re growing up, you know. being irrationally in love and tortured is not conducive to a productive and healthy life.
idk man, you could be. it could be you have to experience a range of relationships with people you love to understand what really works for you, and who works for you. and who’s worth it.
after s, no one was worth it for me until j.
no one was worth letting go of that feeling (mostly letting go)
because honestly, you don’t want to spend your whole life manically in love, but you don’t want to spend it all wondering if you’re pretending either.
you’ll know when you’re not, i think.
but breakups are this really vulnerable fucking beautiful thing, and don’t do yourself a disservice by allowing yourself to be blinded by how romantic it all seems